final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
