I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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