so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
