Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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