I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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