you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
