I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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