Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
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