New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
