epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
