That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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