so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize