***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
