I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
