Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
