you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
