The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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