so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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