I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
