I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
