I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Randomize
