I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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