I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
