i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
All the doctor said was why
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
