I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
