we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
