at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
