Say something about gay babies.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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