I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
