I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
