i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
