So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
