..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
