Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
