It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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