i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
