i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize