matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
