At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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