i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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