You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Randomize
