I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize