No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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