How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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