i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
