Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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