Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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