You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
