i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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