Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
do nipples grow back?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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