I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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