"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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