He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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