I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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