In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
