I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Randomize