Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
