You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nitโs cock oโclock!
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