I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
