It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
