Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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