I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
